Learning To Trust
What do we fear the most is a question that goes through most peoples minds when they have been betrayed by those whom they love the most. Ernest Hemingway has a very popular quote that I see a lot on my travels around the internet:
“the best way to find out if you can trust anybody is to trust them.”
Very difficult when it might be your own family – who don’t seem to care what they say to you, however, whatever comes out of you to them is taken great offence at. I have been stuck in this situation for years. I remember once hanging up the phone to my mother because I simply did not want to talk to ANYONE right at that particular moment in time. I can still see it in my mind’s eye, when I literally hung up the phone once I heard her voice on the other end – I was standing in my kitchen looking out the window bawling my eyes out over a huge drama that had taken place right then.
You know, my mother never let me forget it – she was ropable that I would do such a thing and when she did get hold of me the next time – did she let me have it!!
If I had been small and vulnerable I would have most certainly got the stick on my back for being so rude – but of course now I was an adult, but still small and vulnerable because of the words she could put together to hurt me, make me feel guilty – to continue the abuse she’d laid on thick during my childhood well into my adult life.
Today I often think of those moments when I get similar treatment from my loved ones. I know they wear their phones in their bras or pockets, so there is never an excuse to not know it is me ringing. But I am ignored for days on end sometimes – and in the end I give up only to be reminded many days later that I should be the responsible one to close the gap as I have been on the earth longer than them, they are my family and I am also a Temple Patron and you do not go through life ignoring those you love.
Wish it were a reciprocal feeling many times.
So – taking the bull by the horns you try again, and maybe this time there is a response, but more often than not, still nothing. That fear of rejection rules a person’s life for a long time especially when that is all one felt when they were growing up themselves. Of course, someone who has never been in that situation would never understand, because that is not how they rule their lives.
I remember going through my divorce – was I worthy to get out and about in the public again? How would someone react to me were I to find someone who just might like me even a tiny bit? And then of course, I came with children – that makes a huge difference in how you are perceived by someone else.
So – learning to trust again in many when surviving many painful situations is a huge learning curve for us. And the only way to trust is to start to trust. If your trust in someone else continues to be abused, then move on, let silence mark the days, months, years it takes to heal whatever has brought the situation about. Get on with what you know you are good at. Forget the negative silences/responses. Just live on good memories.
Egos do calm down. Habits do die if allowed. Love becomes real again once forgiveness has happened and repentance has taken place. Bad thoughts do get replaced by good thoughts as one matures and goes through their own life situations. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder – there is some truth in that also.
Pain is part of being human … suffering is optional.
Take the optional path – become unconditional in what you give away. Trust means to move forward and to gain from that trust. Never give up hope because that is why Life Happens.
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